Holidays are supposed to be about togetherness, warmth, and celebration. But when someone you love is no longer at the table, these occasions can feel like the hardest days of the year. If you're dreading an upcoming holiday — or if you're in the middle of one right now, struggling — know that what you're feeling is completely normal.
Give Yourself Permission
The most important thing you can do is give yourself permission to feel however you feel. There's no “right way” to grieve during the holidays. Some people find comfort in maintaining traditions. Others need to change everything. Both are valid.
- •Permission to cry at the dinner table.
- •Permission to laugh and enjoy moments without guilt.
- •Permission to skip events that feel too painful.
- •Permission to create new traditions or keep old ones.
- •Permission to say “I'm not okay” when someone asks how you are.
Practical Ways to Honor Them During the Holidays
Set a place at the table
Some families find comfort in setting an empty place at the holiday table with a photo or a candle. It acknowledges the absence without ignoring it.
Light a memorial candle
Light a candle in their memory at the start of the gathering. A moment of silence or a few shared words can be powerful.
Share a favorite tradition
If they had a holiday tradition — a special recipe, a game, a song — continue it. It keeps their spirit present in a tangible way.
Make a donation in their name
Instead of a gift exchange, donate to a cause they cared about. It transforms grief into something generative.
Visit their memorial
Whether it's a physical gravesite or an online memorial, taking a few minutes to visit can provide a sense of closeness and peace.
Taking Care of Yourself
Plan ahead
Decide in advance which events you'll attend and which you'll skip. Having a plan reduces anxiety.
Have an exit strategy
Give yourself permission to leave early. Drive separately if possible.
Limit alcohol
It can intensify emotions. Stay hydrated and be gentle with yourself.
Lean on your people
Tell one trusted person how you're feeling. You don't have to carry it alone.
Seek professional help
If grief feels overwhelming, a therapist who specializes in bereavement can help. There's no shame in asking for support.
A Note for Those Supporting Someone Who's Grieving
If someone you know is navigating their first holiday (or their tenth) without a loved one, here's what helps most:
- •Say their name. Don't avoid mentioning the person who died. Hearing their name is a comfort, not a reminder — they haven't forgotten.
- •Don't say “at least...” — “At least they're not suffering” minimizes pain. Instead: “I'm thinking about you today.”
- •Offer specifics, not “let me know if you need anything.” Instead: “I'm bringing you dinner Tuesday” or “Can I pick up the kids Saturday?”
- •Check in after the holiday. The day after is often harder than the day itself.
Grief doesn't take holidays. But neither does love. The fact that these days are hard is proof of how deeply you loved someone — and that love doesn't end.